Green is the best in the summer
The best in the West–it’s no bummer
To Miami I go
Pessimism in tow
And confirm that they’re driving… *sigh* hummers


How white do I have to be before people realize I don’t do the secret handshakes?

The terrifying reality of the scope of the delusion…

Today I find myself out in Gresham, spending the morning at one coffee shop, and the afternoon at the other.

Imagine you didn’t know anything about any of this, a complete alien, dropped into this room. This one group is literally talking about hearing voices, and doing what they say. Another is advocating for his friend to visit someone who will touch their head and heal their injury. This morning I heard a guy who said how great it was that his doctor had been “given the gift of healing” (and had  given him medicine). Further listening reveals the phrase “no earthly body can judge us”, and “the purpose of life is to seek redemption from the evil and curses given to you at birth, which were put there to drive you to god”. “Medical science wouldn’t even be necessary if people realized they could take great joy in sickness from the promise of heaven and perfection.” followed by “3 years ago I had a quadruple bypass” was just the icing on the cake.

If you were an alien with no cultural basis to understand that certain delusions are considered “normal” and heard these things, this entire place would be terrifying. These people are suffering from command delusions and are only 1 step away from thinking that killing you is doing you a favor. Flee, flee! Burn it with fire from orbit before it spreads!

And they vote!


There once was a man in a towel
When seen he would scream like an owl
With his mighty red beard
And great wrath they all feared
He’d notice the hole in his towel


This blanket is covered with ants
I’m inspired to wiggle and dance
My eyes are all wet
And I’m filled with regret
That I didn’t remember my pants


Wait! I wave my hands.
I have my own slice of pie.

Awaiting justice
What does it mean when I’m sad?
I’m out of Cheetos.

Why are you so late?
A miscommunication.
Awaiting justice.

A leaf that turns black,
Melodies that don’t resolve,
My cat feels like rage.


be polite, be kind, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet

Or, in the case of Vegas “every douchebag in the general vicinity who is rudely blowing smoke in your face or stumbling around with no regard for anyone around them”.
There are simply not enough kidney punches going on around here. (Except the alcoholic kind I suppose.)


I can’t imagine anything that makes me want to utilize your escort service LESS than making your hustler a bored looking 85 year old Mexican woman with only 2 teeth and smelling strongly of alcohol with a shirt that says “orgasm clinic –  accepting new patients”.  Advertising failure of the most extreme sort.



OMG! Honey Mustard & Onion Pretzel Pieces!

Why buy from the minibar when you can create your own?


There once was a man with a beard
His might and his force they all feared
But when he saw a strawberry
He got extra hairy
And everyone thought that was weird.

I don’t think she meant me…